So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
