if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
