Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
