And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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