Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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