That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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