Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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