I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
