I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
