toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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