What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
