I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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