6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize