I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
