Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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