I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
