here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize