He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
