I met the friendliest cop last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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