I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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