I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
