Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
