I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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