The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
