and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
