Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
