You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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