McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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