M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
