I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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