I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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