I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize