Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
