my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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