please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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