I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
