Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
