The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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