No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
