I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm always down for nudity.
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