I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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