I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
