Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
