Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
