Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
