If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
