Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
