I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
