ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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