We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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