I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont even know how to be here
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
