You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
