i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize