Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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