You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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