I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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