1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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