I'm jealous of your bromance
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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