therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
