i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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