true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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