There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never underestimate the power of titties
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
