I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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