Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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