Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize